What is it that’s changed, if I say this waiting through weeks of pain has been life changing for me?
I have learned to stand still – literally stand on my feet, by the bed and hold my body still. I’ve done this over and over for weeks now. The lesson began early on when fear raged through him and through the house – seeking to overtake and destroy us. I began to just stand – hold my ground as it were – and stay completely still. It is the opposite action to fidgeting. Fidgeting is replaced by mental, emotional, and spiritual concentration.
I still can feel the urge to “do something” but I’ve learned there are times when any “doing” will NOT help the situation (his pain or my comfort). When standing there I have learned to look and to see – this person, his pain, the room, its atmosphere, my condition in the midst -- and to seek the presence of Spirit. I am in constant active prayer during these times of waiting. If I’m rooted to the spot where I am standing, I can be nourished by the roots I have in faith.
Now, and the weeks have gone by, the lesson continues as I find myself standing in the presence of his searing pain – agonizing, gut wrenching pain, stabbing mind-numbing pain. These times are not constant but after the post-operation appointment yesterday, there has been so much pain last night and this morning.
I’ve learned that getting the new habit of standing rooted can become lazy – just standing and zoning out. That is totally the opposite of what I’ve learned is the thing to do. Zoning may numb me, serve my comfort; but to do so is like fidgeting – in this case, non-physical but the same self-protective mechanism. I’ve learned I must stay focused. It is then I am active waiting. God tells us to wait upon Him. He’s asking us for action in this, and I think I see what active waiting is.