Friday, February 18, 2011


What is it that’s changed, if I say this waiting through weeks of pain has been life changing for me?  

I have learned to stand still – literally stand on my feet, by the bed and hold my body still.  I’ve done this over and over for weeks now.  The lesson began early on when fear raged through him and through the house – seeking to overtake and destroy us.  I began to just stand – hold my ground as it were – and stay completely still.  It is the opposite action to fidgeting.  Fidgeting is replaced by mental, emotional, and spiritual concentration.  

I still can feel the urge to “do something” but I’ve learned there are times when any “doing” will NOT help the situation (his pain or my comfort).  When standing there I have learned to look and to see – this person, his pain, the room, its atmosphere, my condition in the midst -- and to seek the presence of Spirit.  I am in constant active prayer during these times of waiting.  If I’m rooted to the spot where I am standing, I can be nourished by the roots I have in faith.  
Now, and the weeks have gone by, the lesson continues as I find myself standing in the presence of his searing pain – agonizing, gut wrenching pain, stabbing mind-numbing pain.  These times are not constant but after the post-operation appointment yesterday, there has been so much pain last night and this morning.

I’ve learned that getting the new habit of standing rooted can become lazy – just standing and zoning out.  That is totally the opposite of what I’ve learned is the thing to do.  Zoning may numb me, serve my comfort; but to do so is like fidgeting – in this case, non-physical but the same self-protective mechanism.  I’ve learned I must stay focused.  It is then I am active waiting.  God tells us to wait upon Him.  He’s asking us for action in this, and I think I see what active waiting is.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

What is Love?

I am working on the Walking In Love Art Installation project -- blessed to be in on the concept and start up stages.  I am waiting for time to quilt the background of my first 3 panels.  They're ready to zip onto the long-arm machine but my life hasn't settled to a place I can go do it.  While I move through these days before I get to the actual thread play time, I find myself living the theme.  Jim and I are providing a convalescent rehab facility for our son -- full service with a staff of 1!  As the weeks roll on, my view of this endeavor has shifted.  At first the emergency of the trauma he suffered was paramount -- full on adrenaline in watching and waiting with him in hospital, then managing care in our home.  However, I came to see what a privilege it is for me to have this work to do.  I have been given an opportunity to care for and serve this son of mine who as a child missed so much mothering from me.  The past is past but this moment in time is a gift.  During these months there have been so many days inhabited or visited by turmoil, excruciating and mind numbing pain, boredom from immobility and helplessness, despair, discouragement, depression, and rage.  Through all these days I have purposed to embody love and light, grace, mercy and peace.  This seemed the only way to stand in the face of it all.  Is this love?  walking in love?  I think so.  Now while I wait to get to my quilting, images have come to mind that portray a few of those days -- standing before a very tall wall and a rock or boulder in a river that swirls around it unmoved are two.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Starting something new

Here I am, a great grandmother, looking at a new way to communicate ideas and experiences.  I have no idea how this process works.  I am hopeful that this will be a pleasant, satisfying, enriching experience -- worthwhile to me and to my family and friends.  For now, the first post purpose is to see how this all looks.